Tag Archives: humour

11 ways I know we’re parents of little boys

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I know none of these are exclusive to a house with boys but, as a whole, I think the gender of our children is pretty clear.

1) Random toy collections litter every surface of our home. 

2) There is a high-tide line in our bathtub. 

3) “Wash your hands before you touch anything!” is a standing order. 

4) We have a mysterious “trail-mix” factory in our car.

5) We are grateful everytime the puddle on the bathroom floor is only water.

6) We know the excruciating pain of stepping barefoot on Lego. 

7) The only “F word” in our house is fart. 

8) We have a “no bugs/rocks/sticks in the house” rule. 

9) We can’t make plans until we check the kids’ hockey schedule.  

10) The laundry never ends. 

11) Our house had a stinky dog odor before we even got a dog!

Do you have boys, girls or a mixture? Does your house have a particular gender flavour?

Funny things my kids say #22

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This morning the 9-year-old was overheard sharing some wisdom with his friends…

“Note to self: when parents say “maybe” they usually mean no.”

True dat!

Previous: Funny things my kids say #21

 

Funny things my kids say #21

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Before bed, there was a pause in the 7-year-old’s toothbrushing so that he could yell a question downstairs to his brother…

“CJ, what did you name the freckle on my butt?”

The 9-year-old hollered back,

“Jeff!”

Ahhh… Of course.

Previous: Funny things my kids say #20

Tweet, tweet

After a somber day it is great to lighten up…

https://twitter.com/wickedcynic/status/474355646595612672


https://twitter.com/wickedcynic/status/474355505004285952

https://twitter.com/wickedcynic/status/474547325940293632

@WickedCynic and @JiminyKicksIt – Thanks for the laughs!

11 answers to 11 questions

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It’s Friday night and I’m tired and uninspired. It must be the fatigue from my return to work but my brain has adamantly refused to be creative this week. So, in order to shake off the cobwebs, I’m going to pull out an old blogging standard and answer some questions.

Here we go!

11 random questions I just asked myself

1) What is your favourite physical attribute?
My smile. I always try to keep it genuine.

2) What is your favourite aspect of your personality?
My humour. It has gotten me through some pretty rough patches.

3) What is the strangest lie you have ever told?
When I was leaving the closing ceremonies of the 2000 Olympics in Sydney, Australia, I convinced a train car full of people that I was the short stop for the Canadian softball team. (I happened to be wearing my Team Canada sweatshirt.) Everyone assured me that our 8th place finish wasn’t too bad.

4) If you could be a superhero, what power would you possess?
Super-speed. I would love to be able to zip around and get things done really quickly while everyone else puttered along at a normal pace. Then I could just sit back and chill.

5) On a scale of 1 to 10, how weird are you?
7.3

6. How do you feel about garden gnomes?
I used to be agnostic. Since Harry Potter, I never turn my back on them.

7) What time is it?
10:42 pm

8) Who is your current celebrity crush?
Richard Armitage. He’s a great Thorin Oakenshield, but I originally fell head over heels in love with him (sans facial prosthetics) as John Thornton in BBC’s adaptation of North and South.

9. Would you rather live in the fictional future or the fictional past?
As much as I love sci-if, I have to pick the past. I think my bosom was made for a corset.

10) What aspect of your personality do you hide from others?
I’m a huge romantic and love getting swept away by Jane Austin and BBC period dramas. See questions 8 and 9!

11) Are you ever going to finish writing your novel?
YES! Stop hounding me!

Do you have any questions you would like to ask… or answer?

Funny things my kids say #20

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The other day, I became disgusted while eating lunch with the 6-year-old. Like most kids his age, he still chews with his mouth open. Deciding it was a good moment to teach better table manners, I asked him to try chewing with his mouth closed.

He watched me demonstrate and then gave it a shot. After a couple of attempts, he sighed and rejected the new method.

“Nope. My teeth can’t open as much… it’s not very efficient.”

The kid is too smart for his own good!

Previous: Funny things my kids say #19

11 reasons I’m sick of winter

Templeofcats.com

Templeofcats.com

Apparently spring is on its way, not that the official date of the vernal equinox has ever mattered here in Nova Scotia. Our winter has a serious attitude problem and will hang around as long as it damn well pleases… thank you very much.

Usually I don’t tire of the snow and cold until at least the end of March but I think that the trip to Florida might have tripped a switch in my brain a few weeks early. This is all to say that I’m tired of winter and just want it to go home.

11 reasons I’m sick of winter

1) Fighting with the kids over snow pants – I know I’ll have the same complaint in the summer with regard to sunscreen and hats, but a certain eye rolling eight-year-old is really getting on my nerves with his daily no-snow-pants campaign.

2) Trying to stuff liners back in boots – Why are those removable liners such a breeze to remove and such a bitch to get back in? My fight with them in the morning inevitably leads to a bent back nail and then my hands smell like sweaty kid feet.

3) Wet stuff drying on radiators – We have beautiful old hot water radiators throughout the house but all winter they are draped with hats, mitts, jackets and snow pants. Oh and those boot liners, of course.

4) Static electricity – I now live in fear of opening any door with a metal knob and folding clothes full of fleece sweatshirts just makes my skin crawl. I feel like the cat in the picture.

5) Hockey gear – Starting on Friday evening, The Husband and both boys spend the majority of the weekend on the ice. There is a pile of sticks in the corner beside the front door that never moves and all weekend there are huge hockey bags in the foyer that just get stepped over until they’re put away on Sunday night. Say nothing of the furnace room in the basement where the gear gets aired out through the week on “sports trees”.

6) Noisy boys inside – How I long for the carefree days of summer when the boys and their friends would be outside until I called them in for bed. I would even feed them just by tossing food outside. These days, the weather is either too wet or too cold. After an hour, even I can’t force them to stay out any longer. I’m currently in the process of building a shrine to the real estate gods to thank them for our basement.

7) Salt stains – Who doesn’t hate the stiff white hems of pants that have soaked up the melted slush of the sidewalks and that horrible white crust that forms on your black leather boots? It also makes it harder to find your car in a parking lot because everyone’s paint now looks to be the same dirty shade of grey.

8) Dark and grey days – The days are finally getting longer, which is a good thing because months of waking up in the dark and coming home from work in the dark have caused my other senses to kick-in to overdrive. Have I mentioned the stinky boot liners?

9) Dry skin – My trademark black clothing, while slimming and easy to coordinate, only serves to highlight my seasonal full body flakiness. I’m also wearing away the door jambs around the house with all of the back scratching I’m doing.

10) Getting out of a warm bed – It is an internationally well-known fact that I’m not a morning person. Add frigid air and a cold floor into the mix and that snooze button is being hit at least three extra times before I will admit to being awake.

11) Talking about the weather – In warm weather climes, what do people talk about in elevators? Seriously, how do you break the silence with strangers if you don’t have the windchill to discuss?

Yes, I see the irony in my last point.

What do you hate about winter?