Tag Archives: Twitter

If I ever get a llama, I'm totally naming it Dalai.

— Jiminy Kicks It (@JiminyKicksIt) June 13, 2013

I prefer to sunbathe indoors on a bed with the lights out while watching TV and eating.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) June 12, 2013

I'm so pale all of my relationships are interracial.

— Jiminy Kicks It (@JiminyKicksIt) June 13, 2013

Whenever I'm on a plane and the person next to me is talking loudly on the phone I always lean over and say, "Tell them I said Hi".

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) June 5, 2013

If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,"Help, they've turned me into a parrot", you are wasting everybody's time.

— Jiminy Kicks It (@JiminyKicksIt) June 12, 2013

I remember when napping didn't mean laying on the couch listening to my kids take turns yelling.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) June 1, 2013

I just watched a boring documentary on how to build a time machine. That's an hour of my life I'll probably get back.

— Jiminy Kicks It (@JiminyKicksIt) June 11, 2013