Tag Archives: humour

Spilling the beans

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Back in July, I mentioned that we were planning our first family trip to the Florida theme parks. I hate crowded and noisy places so this is not my dream vacation but, knowing how much fun the boys will have, I’ve actually gotten a little excited as we’ve been doing the research.

Not wanting to raise any hopes, in case the plan fell through, we had kept everything hush-hush from the boys. But, as of today, our entire vacation is now booked… dinner reservations and all!

We briefly considered not telling them until that February morning when we woke them for the trip, as friends of ours successfully did this year, but we wanted them to have some time to save allowance to use as spending money. Also, CJ takes after me in that he easily gets thrown out of kilter by surprises. We once surprised him with a cruise on Theodore Tugboat… you would have thought we were on the sinking Titanic for all the fun he had.

So, we decided to tell them this evening after dinner but we wanted to make it a fun experience in itself. We laid out five groups of Scrabble tiles which they had to unscramble to make words. When they were finished, this is what they had…

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After reading it aloud a couple of times, there was just stunned silence. Then 6-year-old ET, his voice dripping with sarcasm and incredulity, said, “Yeah… like that’s true!” Hmmm, I wonder where he gets that from?

Once we assured them that it was actually true (that we weren’t just being assholes) there was a small happy dance and some hugs and kisses… then they asked if they could go play Minecraft.

Well, their reaction might not have reached the level of excitement we were expecting, but at least we’ve got that card up our sleeves from now until February… Oh, please excuse me, I have to go tell them to get to bed or they won’t be going to Disney.

I’m only joking, of course. I would never use the trip as a bargaining tool for something so minor… That’s what Santa is for!

Do you have any theme park tips for us?

Funny things my kids say #11

Rafa pics (picks?) for my mom!

Rafa pics (picks?) for my mom!


This morning, shortly after getting dressed for school, the 6-year-old called out in distress,

“I need new pants! These ones keep following my bum!”

Turns out he had a wedgie.

Previous: Funny things my kids say #10

Late night wisdom

KidsTexting

The Husband and I are huge fans of observational comedian Louis C.K.. We have to make sure the kids are well and truly asleep (due to the profanity) but we often end an evening in tears after watching a few side-splitting moments of his stand-up.

He is a divorced dad of two young daughters and I find his parenting humour can be a pressure release valve after a hard week. This old bit about playing hide and seek with a toddler once actually made me pee my pants. (Don’t watch with kids in earshot – bad word alert!)

Early in his career he was hired as a writer for Late Night with Conan O’Brien and a couple of weeks ago he made an appearance on Conan to chat with his old boss. As usual, Louis is spot on with his humour, and he was discussing an issue that is starting to rear its head in our home. Continue reading

My new mantra

Image from Cato's Domain

Image from Cato’s Domain

My writing group took an unplanned hiatus during the summer but got back together on Monday night. There was a lot of catching up to do. Before the night was over, my stomach hurt from laughing about moose hunting in Cape Breton, I learned some Disney vacation tips, and I got to physically hold our first published book. (Of course it’s not “our” book at all, I just want to bask in Meghan’s success for a little bit longer.)

The best part of the night, however, was when we actually talked about our writing. Continue reading

Dear God! What is that thing?

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This is a Sphynx kitten.

Thanks to Geoff at pretty awful things for bring it to my attention this morning. Now I can’t stop thinking about it.

He’s kinda cute in a helpless-baby-animal sort of way, but he’s also slightly hideous in a brain-carved-into-the-shape-of-a-cat sort of way. I’m feeling very conflicted.

This picture has totally got me wondering if all kitten skin is like this but they are covered with so much fur we can’t tell. It’s like they have all of their skin at birth but need to grow into it. Can you imagine if we were born this way? That would be a lot of extra skin to be carting around…

prettyawfulthings is definitely worth a follow. Geoff posts about strange and odd and pretty and awful things. Recent post have featured incredible art made from table salt, Roman nanotechnology, a sheep herding bunny, and a bicycle powered treehouse elevator. All incredibly amazing and new to me.

Please excuse me now, I’ve got to go find a furry kitten to shave.

Seriously, do you think all kittens have this much skin under their fur?

Funny things my kids say #10

1-year-old ET asleep in the living room. I wonder what he was dreaming about then.

1-year-old ET asleep in the living room. I wonder what he was dreaming about then.

As usual this morning, The Husband was up very early, well before the rest of us, getting himself ready for his bike to work.

He was in the kitchen when he heard ET shout out, “Mommy… mumble, mumble, mumble… hangnail!”

He raced upstairs to quiet him down, saying, “Shhhh… It’s too early, Mommy and CJ are still sleeping.”

Still more than half-asleep himself, the 6-year-old muttered back,

“Sorry… that was supposed to be in my dream.”

Previous: Funny things my kids say #9

I’m a hockey mom!

6 year-old ET, waiting for a pass

6 year-old ET, waiting for a pass

I spent half of today at the rink.

I’m not complaining (mainly because The Husband usually shoulders most of the duty) but, once hockey season starts, our weekends are dictated by practice times and game schedules.

When the boys were babies and toddlers, I joked that they were only allowed to get involved in activities to which they could find their own way. I really didn’t want to be one of those moms, driving a minivan with a “Mom’s taxi” bumper sticker.

Well, it’s not a minivan and there’s no bumper sticker, but between soccer, swimming, Beavers, and now hockey it sure feels like a taxi. Continue reading

What was I thinking?

Laughing Men, sculpture by Yue Minjun, Today Art Museum, Beijing

Laughing Men sculpture by Yue Minjun, Today Art Museum, Beijing

When The Husband and I were in Italy, we did a walking tour of Florence that included the major churches and museums. It was a jam-packed day with only a short break for lunch.

The tour ended with us at the Uffizi and, after being shown the “must-sees”, we still had some time before closing. Even though our feet were throbbing and our brains were mush, we decided to stick around to quickly go through the areas that weren’t part of the tour itinerary.

When I reach a certain point of extreme fatigue, I start to look like the guys in the sculpture above. I get silly. I think it’s a survival instinct that kicks in to delay the next stage of my fatigue, which is a rage that might result in me looking for a place to dispose of a body. (FYI, I would have dumped it in the Arno.) Continue reading

Funny things my kids say #9

We use a lot of Crazy Glue!

We use a lot of Crazy Glue!

One of ET’s first nicknames was Destructor (said in a super-hero voice). When he could talk well enough to say, “Stop calling me that!” we did… to his face.

This weekend, ET was sent inside by his big brother to report the latest breakage (just a pair of nail clippers they were using to cut pipe-cleaners).

On his way back out, just before the door slammed shut, I heard the 8-year-old ask,

“Did she say ‘Okay’ or ‘Uuugghh*’?”

*huge sigh of disgust

I guess predictable isn’t the worst thing I could be.

Previous: Funny things my kids say #8

He did it… he finally broke me

Torture in the Pit of Despair - The Princess Bride (1987)

Torture in the Pit of Despair – The Princess Bride (1987)

ET is going through a whiny phase. This has been ongoing for sometime but the long school days have made him tired and the whining has increased. At times it is like a dentist drill boring through my brain. This evening is one of those times.

I feel like running outside and screaming at the top of my lungs, but I’ve decided that just writing my way through it is probably the saner option. Continue reading