Tag Archives: kids

Funny things my kids say #12

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I recently cleaned out some old office space and came across this drawing. This is its story…

A couple of years ago, I received a call from daycare that ET had a fever. I quickly left to pick him up but had to come back to the office to gather some work to bring home. I set ET up with some scrap paper and a pencil to keep him busy.

My office mate, Sue, was going to the gym to work out. She said goodbye to ET and went to the bathroom to change.

When we were ready to leave, I stopped to admire ET’s drawing. The 4-year-old’s deadpan explanation was,

“It’s a picture of Sue… naked.”

This scrap was immediately taped to our office wall in a place of honour. It’s a keeper… but I’ve always really hoped that the centre design was his attempt at a belly button!

Previous: Funny things my kids say #11

Boo!

I returned home from San Diego very late Monday night and I’ve since been up every night into the wee hours to get Halloween costumes assembled. Figured I might as well use the four-hour time difference to my advantage. Let me tell ya, the mornings have been a bitch!

Zombie Mommy (Not her best in the mornings!)

Zombie Mommy (Not her best in the mornings!)

Continue reading

Leaving on a jet plane

On Friday, I’m flying to San Diego for a one day meeting. For those of you who haven’t been paying attention, I live in Halifax, Canada. Let me show you what this means.

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Only if I moved to Brigus could this trip across North America be any further. I have a full day of travel on either side of the meeting. For this reason, I’ll be staying an extra day… gotta try to make all that travel seem worthwhile.

This may sound like complaining, please let me assure you it is not. In fact, allow me to present:

11 things I hate love about travelling for work

1) Lack of control – On travel days, my only decisions are which snacks to eat and what movies to watch. Everything else is pre-planned or not in my power to change. “I’m going to miss my connection? Oh well… what time’s the next one?”

2) Nothing to do – People watching during an airport stop-over is sociologically fascinating. It is an amazing cross-section of the population and even slightly odd behaviours are strangely amplified.

3) Long flights – I’m pretty compact and have excellent bladder control so I like to settle into a window seat and not budge until it’s time to deplane. It’s very relaxing to have hours of uninterrupted rest and am often asleep by takeoff.

4) Turbulence – I have absolutely no fear of flying and I’m able to find the science behind flight incredibly interesting. Never is the physics so apparent than during wind-shifts and up-drafts… Especially in a small plane!

5) Hotel bathroom – It’s a wonderful feeling, knowing the toilet seat will always be down and the only pee on the floor will be mine.

6) Strange bed – Sleeping in crisp white linen that I didn’t have to make, with nobody crying out for me in the middle of the night. Ahhhh, paradise!

7) Eating alone – I don’t have to cajole anyone to eat their food or threaten to give away their chair if they don’t sit their butt down immediately.

8) Jet lag – Since I’m not a morning person, it’s great that a 7:15am meeting start will feel like 11:15am. I’m also not a late night person so the time change is a great excuse to beg out early from evening functions.

9) Strangers in my room – Messes are just magically gone when I come back at the end of the day.

10) Being a nobody – The anonymity of travel is very freeing. I don’t have to do anything for anybody else, unless I choose to. Ironically, I become very generous when I travel.

11) Homesickness – It’s true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Being away from the family for a few days helps revive lost perspective. My boys are never so cute, and I never appreciate The Husband more, than upon my return.

How about you? Traveling alone… love it or hate it?

Spilling the beans

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Back in July, I mentioned that we were planning our first family trip to the Florida theme parks. I hate crowded and noisy places so this is not my dream vacation but, knowing how much fun the boys will have, I’ve actually gotten a little excited as we’ve been doing the research.

Not wanting to raise any hopes, in case the plan fell through, we had kept everything hush-hush from the boys. But, as of today, our entire vacation is now booked… dinner reservations and all!

We briefly considered not telling them until that February morning when we woke them for the trip, as friends of ours successfully did this year, but we wanted them to have some time to save allowance to use as spending money. Also, CJ takes after me in that he easily gets thrown out of kilter by surprises. We once surprised him with a cruise on Theodore Tugboat… you would have thought we were on the sinking Titanic for all the fun he had.

So, we decided to tell them this evening after dinner but we wanted to make it a fun experience in itself. We laid out five groups of Scrabble tiles which they had to unscramble to make words. When they were finished, this is what they had…

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After reading it aloud a couple of times, there was just stunned silence. Then 6-year-old ET, his voice dripping with sarcasm and incredulity, said, “Yeah… like that’s true!” Hmmm, I wonder where he gets that from?

Once we assured them that it was actually true (that we weren’t just being assholes) there was a small happy dance and some hugs and kisses… then they asked if they could go play Minecraft.

Well, their reaction might not have reached the level of excitement we were expecting, but at least we’ve got that card up our sleeves from now until February… Oh, please excuse me, I have to go tell them to get to bed or they won’t be going to Disney.

I’m only joking, of course. I would never use the trip as a bargaining tool for something so minor… That’s what Santa is for!

Do you have any theme park tips for us?

Funny things my kids say #11

Rafa pics (picks?) for my mom!

Rafa pics (picks?) for my mom!


This morning, shortly after getting dressed for school, the 6-year-old called out in distress,

“I need new pants! These ones keep following my bum!”

Turns out he had a wedgie.

Previous: Funny things my kids say #10

Late night wisdom

KidsTexting

The Husband and I are huge fans of observational comedian Louis C.K.. We have to make sure the kids are well and truly asleep (due to the profanity) but we often end an evening in tears after watching a few side-splitting moments of his stand-up.

He is a divorced dad of two young daughters and I find his parenting humour can be a pressure release valve after a hard week. This old bit about playing hide and seek with a toddler once actually made me pee my pants. (Don’t watch with kids in earshot – bad word alert!)

Early in his career he was hired as a writer for Late Night with Conan O’Brien and a couple of weeks ago he made an appearance on Conan to chat with his old boss. As usual, Louis is spot on with his humour, and he was discussing an issue that is starting to rear its head in our home. Continue reading

Funny things my kids say #10

1-year-old ET asleep in the living room. I wonder what he was dreaming about then.

1-year-old ET asleep in the living room. I wonder what he was dreaming about then.

As usual this morning, The Husband was up very early, well before the rest of us, getting himself ready for his bike to work.

He was in the kitchen when he heard ET shout out, “Mommy… mumble, mumble, mumble… hangnail!”

He raced upstairs to quiet him down, saying, “Shhhh… It’s too early, Mommy and CJ are still sleeping.”

Still more than half-asleep himself, the 6-year-old muttered back,

“Sorry… that was supposed to be in my dream.”

Previous: Funny things my kids say #9

I’m a hockey mom!

6 year-old ET, waiting for a pass

6 year-old ET, waiting for a pass

I spent half of today at the rink.

I’m not complaining (mainly because The Husband usually shoulders most of the duty) but, once hockey season starts, our weekends are dictated by practice times and game schedules.

When the boys were babies and toddlers, I joked that they were only allowed to get involved in activities to which they could find their own way. I really didn’t want to be one of those moms, driving a minivan with a “Mom’s taxi” bumper sticker.

Well, it’s not a minivan and there’s no bumper sticker, but between soccer, swimming, Beavers, and now hockey it sure feels like a taxi. Continue reading

Parenting awards

Photograph: Gary Hershorn/Reuters

Photograph: Gary Hershorn/Reuters

Why aren’t there parenting achievement awards for extraordinary performances, just as there are in the entertainment business?

I’m not throwing this question out there because I think I should be getting a nomination. If I put aside my humility for a moment, I can admit that I’m a darn good mom, but I also have to admit that I’m not anything special. I know a legion of great parents.

I’m talking about an award for those amazing parents I sometimes stumble across during my travels in The Interweb. The people who are superhero parents in some seriously difficult situations.

Today, I need to share one of these parents with you. Continue reading

Funny things my kids say #9

We use a lot of Crazy Glue!

We use a lot of Crazy Glue!

One of ET’s first nicknames was Destructor (said in a super-hero voice). When he could talk well enough to say, “Stop calling me that!” we did… to his face.

This weekend, ET was sent inside by his big brother to report the latest breakage (just a pair of nail clippers they were using to cut pipe-cleaners).

On his way back out, just before the door slammed shut, I heard the 8-year-old ask,

“Did she say ‘Okay’ or ‘Uuugghh*’?”

*huge sigh of disgust

I guess predictable isn’t the worst thing I could be.

Previous: Funny things my kids say #8