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I prefer to sunbathe indoors on a bed with the lights out while watching TV and eating.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) June 12, 2013

Whenever I'm on a plane and the person next to me is talking loudly on the phone I always lean over and say, "Tell them I said Hi".

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) June 5, 2013

I remember when napping didn't mean laying on the couch listening to my kids take turns yelling.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) June 1, 2013