Boys, boys… must we bicker?

A few days ago, Charlie over at How To be a Dad (HTBAD) posed a question.

Who would be a better Dad? Batman or Superman?

He then proceeded to give his opinion in the post 5 Reasons Batman Would Be a Better Dad than Superman

(HTBAD is an extremely clever and funny site and I recommend you take the time to check it out. I particularly enjoy their illustrated guides!)

After I read the post and finished laughing, I was itching to respond but decided I had better things to write about. Well, it turns out I actually don’t…

You should definitely read the full original post because I’m just going to list his 5 points (and the gist of his reasoning) and then explain why they are unfounded.

1. Batman Is Human

His point: “Superman is essentially an alien who was brought up as a human… His outsider vantage would make relating to a child’s needs really difficult and burping super dangerous.”

My counter: Of course Superman is from a different culture and heritage, but using that as your argument is like saying a white couple can’t adopt a black baby because they won’t be able to relate to the child. And seriously, Batman may be human in the physiological sense, but emotionally he’s a baboon.

2. Batman Works at Night

His point: “Batman… has more of a schedule than Superman,… Superman is called away often.”

My counter: So are doctors, police and other professions who do on-call work. This is the nature of “hero” work. You go when you are needed but you have arrangements in place to ensure childcare is provided. Anyway, Batman will be too busy tinkering in his cave and Alfred will be the one playing Lego.

 3. Batman Is a Realist

His point: “Batman suffered though he was raised with means. He’s working on his demons, his painful past and knows about ‘teachable moments’. Also, what if Superman’s kids were human? No powers…What kind of a letdown would that be? Dads have enough intense expectations without superpowers.”

My counter: Sure Batman has suffered, but so has Superman. Have you forgotten that his entire planet was destroyed and he had to work his ass off to fit in with humans on earth? Batman’s suffering turned him into a damaged man who throws money at his problems. He is a rich boy by day, and a masked ego by night. Superman’s losses have made him empathetic and he lives with the common man.

 4. Batman Is Approachable

His point: “Sure, Batman has some baggage, but…his experience would inform his parenting practices. He would know the loss of having an absent dad. He would cherish his time with his children. Superman never met his parents and learned of them from crystals. Crystals. The guy basically learned about his parents from meth.”

My counter: Meth, really? Are you going to go that low? Superman had a spiritual experience similar to a shaman fasting on a vision quest. He was able to find his true self and intended path. Batman is like a lost puppy. Sure, he knew his parents but his “memories” are nightmares and flashbacks. As for “approachable”, Batman is a loner who shuns every attempt at personal connection.

5. Superman Is a Douche

His point: “Cool toys with badass armor… or brightly-colored underwear … Which dad would you rather bring on a class field trip?”

 My counter: Nice. What grade are you in?

So, my time is up but I think I made my point… HTBAD doesn’t know what he is talking about.

There are excellent retorts to be found on Clark Kent’s Lunchbox , Always Jacked about fatherhood and DorkDaddy. I just thought a woman’s perspective might be in order.

Actually, now that I’m thinking about it… we should probably just give the kid to Wonder Woman.