Monthly Archives: April 2015

One life at a time…

As I talked about in this post, I’ve been feeling a need to reach out to high school and university students who may be having their own struggles with mental illness. I want to break down the barriers that surround the subject of mental health and let them know that it’s okay to need support. I don’t want anyone to be too ashamed to ask for help; to die of embarrassment.

Today, I got my first chance to do just that.

I am lucky enough to have a great friend who is a teacher at one of our area high schools and she arranged for me to speak to another teacher’s sociology class as part of their program on brain development. This morning I gave a straight 75 minute talk to this class and it went great! Most of the kids didn’t text the entire time, and I’m sure those that did were just giving me a shout-out.

But seriously, it went pretty darn good, if I may say so myself. A few students stuck around after class to thank me and to tell me they found the talk very interesting. Two girls told me that they thought I was brave to be so open about my mental health and they liked hearing my story because they had each gone through some difficult stuff in the past and could relate. Great feedback.

Most importantly, however, was the student who quietly waited until all of the others were done chatting with me and then just stood looking at me with huge eyes. When I asked if she wanted to talk to me privately, she shyly answered, “Okay.”

My teacher friend showed the two of us to an unused classroom and then left us alone. Things went slowly at first because she was holding on tight, but eventually she opened up. She’s been severely depressed, lonely, and scared. I was the first person she felt she could tell.

I got her permission to include her teacher (my amazing friend) in the conversation and together we walked her downstairs to the school counsellor’s office. I left her with a hug and my e-mail address.

Can a writer be at a loss for words?

I just don’t know how to express how I feel about this experience today. I’m both exhilarated and thoroughly exhausted at the same time.

The process of developing this presentation was an interesting one because it really forced me to go back at look at things objectively. On one hand, I have lived a blessed life; full of loving family, supportive friends and amazing experiences. On the other, my inner road has been extraordinarily rocky and under major construction since I was a teenager.

Would I go back and change any of it if I could?

Although I would like to say “yes” and spare my family the pain that my illness has inflicted upon them over the years, the answer is unequivocally “no”.

If I were to go back and change things so that I was never depressed, I would be an entirely different person. I would have gone to medical school as planned, and missed out on my travel with the tennis tours and all of the amazing experiences and friendships that came from it.

If I hadn’t been travelling with tennis, I wouldn’t have been in Toronto at the right time to reconnect with The Husband. How could I possibly wish to live a life that doesn’t have him at the centre? And of course, if I hadn’t married The Husband, my two beautiful boys wouldn’t exist. The mere mention of that as a possibility makes my heart stop beating.

And now, after today’s experience, I feel even more assured and know that my rocky road life has given me a unique ability to reach out and help ease someone else’s pain.

Turns out, I didn’t need to go to medical school after all.

It’s not pornography…

Image credit: TheCyberhoodWatch.com

Image credit: TheCyberhoodWatch.com

I’m sick to death of hearing about child “pornography”. Again, yesterday over breakfast, I had to read about another arrest and seizure of child “pornography”. I don’t know how you feel about it, but I’m not opposed to pornography and have even partaken of its pleasures a few times… I am, however, opposed to RAPE!

I don’t care what the legal definition of pornography is. All I know is that pornography is too soft a word to EVER be used to describe the sexual assault of children.

Putting this horrific abuse of children in the same category as Playboy or Debbie Does Dallas is like saying that people swept away to die in a tsunami are “body surfing”. While technically true, it does nothing to capture the real nature of the offence and, in fact, purposefully downplays the severity.

Am I a prude? No, but I do have morals. I don’t give a fig if you have a clown fetish or like to be whipped by a giantess in leather. I do care, however, when children are raped.

Take a moment and close your eyes. Think about child “pornography”. What did you picture? Did you imagine a live feed so you can watch and listen as a father rapes his 10-year-old daughter? How about photos of a 3-year-old boy performing oral sex on an adult male? Did you see a baby girl being penetrated by her grandfather?

A man with no previous criminal record filmed himself sodomizing his 10-month-old granddaughter. He did not need to convince the child to keep the secret; in fact, he said he selected that particular victim because she was preverbal. – Michelle K. Collins, Director, Exploited Child Unit, National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC)

Perhaps I’m too sheltered or naïve, but I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that these horrendous acts are under the same legal classification of an 18-year-old having pictures of his 17-year-old girlfriend’s breasts. (You may not be okay with this either, but it is definitely more palatable that the baby girl mentioned above.)

My heart breaks for the men and women in law enforcement who have to watch and examine every soul wrenching moment of these seized photos and videos in order for justice to be done. (I use the word “justice” here only in the legal sense, because is there any equal punishment to fit this crime? Is there any reparation that could fix the damage wrought by this brutality?) They have to watch because every recording is evidence of abuse. Any one second of the hours of violence and cruelty could help identify and rescue a child. One picture in a thousand may be the key that helps capture and convict the abuser.

We refer to each of these images as a crime scene photo because that’s exactly what they are. – John Ryan, CEO, NCMEC

And think about this… while overall crime rates continue to fall in North America, the incidents of child “pornography” are on the rise. This 3 billion dollar a year industry1 is based on the depraved exploitation of children of whom the typical age is between 6 and 12, and the profile is only getting younger.2 It is estimated that about 60% of victims are prepubescent and almost 10% are infants at the time of their abuse.3

In May 2014 in New York, there was a huge internet sting that apprehended over 70 people suspected of collecting and trading images of child rape. The investigation also resulted in the seizure of nearly 600 desktop and laptop computers, tablets, smartphones and other devices containing a total of 175 terabytes of storage. Just think about how much child abuse that entails.

The people making and selling this filth, are they strangers who have lurked in shadows and snatched these children? No. In nearly every case investigated by the NCMEC, the abuser was an adult who had legitimate access to the child. In 2007, it was reported that 35% of child pornography was produced by the exploited child’s own parents and an additional 28% were relatives, friends or neighbours.3

Among the men arrested in the New York operation, there was a police officer, a rabbi, a babysitter, a paramedic, and a nurse. The lone woman arrested was a mother, charged with producing and distributing pornography involving her own young son.

I’m not telling you these facts because I’m a parent who is scared her children are going to be abused and exploited (although, aren’t we all?), but as a human being who is fed-up and disgusted by the weak term, “pornography” being used to describe this vile crime.

The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their proper name. – Confucius

The images and videos that we read about being seized are NOT “pornography”; they are criminal evidence of the abuse and rape of children, and those who possess and distribute them continue to perpetrate the abuse. Until we start calling this crime by it’s proper name, it will remain too easy for society to turn the page and continue on to the Sports section.

Any thoughts?

References:
1) TopTenReviews; Internet Pornography Statistics
2) Enough is Enough; Child Pornography
3) Child Pornography: A Closer Look Michelle K. Collins, Director, Exploited Child Unit, National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, Alexandria, Virginia, March 2007, The Police Chief